WHY I say “Good Morning” to everyone I meet

Mostly to keep other people at arm’s length. It has nothing to do with my sunshine-y personality, it’s protection.

If you return my “Hi” softly, I know you are no danger to me and are surprised that I roused you from your early morning reverie and are just as happy to return to your concerns about the tragedies of fake ewes.

If you match my enthusiasm with your “Hi” back at me, I know you are an equal level combatant (would that be Rust Belt?) and not to be messed with and hope you are either happier, (which I doubt–who could be happier than moi?), or at least more adept at dealing with this world than I am, good luck.

If you say nothing, I begin writing the police report in my head taking note of your physical appearance, so I can tell the sergeant every detail before you mug me.

If you say nothing with earphones in your ears, I laugh and smile and tell you my life story laced with expletives because you are on Mars.

 

WHY you think my house is dirty

I have an arranging style based on nature.

My feng shui template is an unweeded garden that grows to seed and what you’re actually experiencing is art in the making.

It’s easier to find my things when they’re spread out in front of me, not hidden in drawers.

The maid has Tuesdays off, as well as all the other days of the week. In fact I’ve forgotten her name and once tipped her by telling her I didn’t think Valium was as good as a vacuum for getting things done. No wonder she told me my dirt sucks.

You’ve been reading too much Architectural Digest and should start reading more National Enquirers.

I like the vacuum in the middle of the living room like that, particularly with the sprig of flowers I laid on it, besides I’m old and don’t have a trip up to the vacuum closet on the third floor booked until early April.

You have the wrong virtual reality goggles on. Here, take mine.

 

WHY I write this blog

Boredom is a terrible thing and the magic of putting different words next to each other to wrest new meaning from them that I never intended, is fun.

It’s court ordered probation for excessive good behavior.

To write a primer of basic Buddhist principles very thinly disguised as a joke book.

So I will keep from staring at the other 600,000 commuters on this train and wondering how they keep THEIR sanity.

Because I believe in art and its ability to transform and I’m hoping to become a white rabbit.

 

WHY they should build a wall around New York City

It’s not like other cities and should be preserved.

To halt young white flight into this city – it’s like honey to the bees.

Easier for the New York Times to cover the world as they know it

Keep all the 1 percenters and rapists from infecting the Real America

Raise the property values even higher by turning NYC into one big, happy, gated community.

Charge higher tolls.

Arrogance.

Good for tourism–Visit the Great Wall of NY!

Great for Mixed Messages – The Statue of Liberty welcomes you, lighting your path to the  wall, where you are strip searched and tossed back to the sharks in New York Harbor.

 

WHY people suffer so

Birth, old age, sickness, death.

To have compelling reasons to learn life lessons.

To sell more drugs.

Because studies show that complaining releases endorphins into your system and gives you a false sense that you can do something by just flapping your lips.

They have no tools of faith because they think the Devils who speak to them are healthy, bench-pressing role models instead of the bullshit excuses they actually are.

They can’t tell the Devils who speak in their head from the matters of their heart.

They watch so much TV that they think THAT is reality.

Makes a good story.